Eating disorders and the Mr.

9 years ago today I married the Mr. 

9 years ago I couldn’t say my full name without laughing out loud.

9 years ago I became Kallie Dalley!

9 years ago I made the best decision of my life and I didn’t even know it.

 

 

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I don’t talk about my husband very much here on Smitten.  Not because I don’t love him…because trust me there are no words for how much I do. I guess I don’t talk about him here because I don’t need the world to know I love him. I just need him to know how much I love him. Does that make sense? You know when you read someone’s Facebook status and it is gushing about their lover and you read it and kinda wonder if it is you or them they are trying to convince? You know what I am talking about right?! Right?  I know, I know, there are those that like to hear a little declaration of love via the cyber world for everyone to see but that is not the way my guy and I roll. We like to keep things between us and if the rest of the world wants to know how we feel about each other they just need to take a minute and watch us. With that said I think I need to let you on a little secret about the Mr. and my journey with Ed. I am sure you have all wondered where and what he was feeling during this journey and one of these days I will make him write a post about it but for now I will tell you right where he was. He was on this journey right by my side…holding my hand, helping me pick up the pieces and putting them back together. He has loved me when I have been not so nice. He has held me together when I have wanted to give up and fall apart. He reminds me each day that I have a million reasons to love myself and get better. He did what he could so I could go to treatment. He drove me 3 hours every other week so I could go. He sat through therapy sessions squeezing my hand letting me know he was there. EVERY. STEP. OF. THE. WAY.  He supports me and encourages me to overcome my fears. He believes in me which in turn makes me believe in me. On days when I feel like I am not enough he makes up for it. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve him but I must have done something because with me is where he is.

 

I wasn’t sure what his thoughts were on me and my eating disorder and I didn’t want to say something that wasn’t true. So, I asked him how he felt about Ed and me. Here is our conversation:

 

 me:  How do you feel about me and ed?
 Brian:  huh?
 that was out of the blue
 me:  I want to know how you feel about me and ed?
 I am writing a post about you. I need to know in your own words.
 People want to know how you felt about me and eating disorder.
 be honest. it will be out in cyber world :]
Brian:  well, I wish ed would decide it was time for a nice long international vacation and lose his passport while he was there.
 me:  haha. anything else?
 Brian:  I’m sure we could talk a lot about it.
  not sure what to say right now
 me:  oh come on. People are dying to know your side of the story. You can’t keep them waiting any longer. Plus you totally love talking about ed.  I know it.
 Brian:  I didn’t know anyone was waiting on me, this is the first i’m hearing about it
 
 Brian:  I guess I get frustrated and annoyed with ed a lot. What he says to you doesn’t make any sense to me. But I understand that it doesn’t matter what I think. What matters is what ed is getting you to think, so I have to be patient and only say and do things that will help you stay calm and rational and help you be strong enough to ignore him.
not sure it works a lot though
 me:  What is the hardest part about ed?
 Brian:  That you can believe the lies and put your life at risk for them.
me:  Do you still love me?
Brian:  of course
Me: I’m getting better you know.
 
Brian:  I know, and I’m very proud of you. especially for sharing it all like this
and helping others. I want you to be happy and healthy and to be around for a long time!
I don’t want to worry about you taking years off your life for ed anymore. So yes, I am so glad you are getting better and I love you.
 Brian:  hello?
me:  hi. I’mcrying.
 Brian:  sorry
 me:  can’t type
thanks love.
 Brian:  thanks for real, or ‘thanks a lot you jerk for making me cry’?
 me:  thanks for real. You are the best part of me.
 Brian:  dido

 

 

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Today I celebrate my 9 year anniversary to the Mr and the unbelievable gift he was to me.

 

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