A few lessons I am Learning………

It has been a long time since I have written anything from my heart. I guess that is because I was writing for others and not for myself. It is funny thing- being a writer. It has healed a lot of wounds for me and yet it has created some too. I have learned the hard way that I am not a writer for the masses. When I am forced to write I lose my voice and that is hard for me to swallow. I adore writing when it comes straight from my heart, but sometimes what is in my heart is something I think no one would ever want to read. Maybe this is what they mean when you have writers block- so many words and yet no words to describe it.

 

My husband was laid off from his job back in November. I think it was God’s way of putting a gaping hole in the path we were on so he could pick us up and move us to the “right” path. (We obviously weren’t being still and listening.) This has been a true test of  where I am at in my recovery. I am learning things that I would never have learned other wise and for that I am grateful. The first thing I have learned is that, I too, am a warrior. I don’t say the word warrior with being brave or courageous attached to my thoughts. I say warrior, because I am realizing that I am in battle each and every day, fighting to stay healthy by using my tools to keep “me” here and shut out the voices that sometimes are in my head. I am realizing that I am still in recovery and not recovered from ed. (eating disorder) To some, they might consider this failure. 2 years of treatment and still having to work at it, but to me, each day I choose to do things in healthy ways is a victory and one I will gladly dance the irish jig and top it off with a fist pump. Warriors are those who continue to fight when it would be much easier to just call it quits. Warriors are those who have the courage to keep going when the odds are stacked against them. When we step back and look at it like that we are ALL warriors. We are all fighting a battle of some sort. I do believe this is why my new favorite quote is:

 

 

It reminds me that there is a BIGGER picture. It reminds me that we are all different and unique but our end result is the same. It is a sweet reminder that we are all just trying to make our way home. I find it sad that so much of the world has forgotten this, THIS thing we all have in common. One of my favorite things that Momastery says is “We belong to each other” because in the big picture we do. We are different but yet we are the same. We are each other’s keepers.

 

Which brings me to my next silver lining in all this-

 

Giving….

 

 

Over the last month and a half I have been asked more times than I can count these questions:

 

What can I do for you?

What can I help you with?

What do you need?

 

I know that these questions come from a place of love and the intent and concern is genuine but I have come to HATE them. It is almost easier to not have to talk to people than to have to answer these questions. They make me feel uncomfortable and small and who wants to have to tell someone what you want them to give you? Doesn’t having to be asked defeat the purpose of giving?

 

I learned a great lesson only a few days after my husband was laid off. His Uncle and Aunt just showed up on our doorstep, they wanted us to know that they were thinking of us, that they had been there and that they understood all that we were feeling at that time. On their way out the door his uncle handed him an envelope and turned to leave like it was no big deal. My husband placed the envelope on our tv stand and walked them out to their car. When he came back in and opened it there was a kind card, with a handwritten note, along with some cash. In that moment I realized the power of giving lies in the doing. It is seeing a need without having to be told.  I am soo guilty of  asking these questions and doing this to my friends and loved ones,who are going through a hard time. I am on the other side now and I realize that I shouldn’t have to be asked to help when I know someone is struggling. I will no longer be asking what I can do for them but rather DOING what I CAN do for them instead. Helping others comes in all forms not just monetary. You could take their kids for a few hours and give the a break. You could take a meal or drop off some groceries, maybe even drop off a diet coke while you are out and about. Even a kind card letting them know you are thinking of them with their favorite treat. I think we all have these grand ideas with the best intentions and then we never follow through because we wonder if it is enough. When in reality people just need the small acts of kindness to remind them that they are loved and thought about. I do believe that feeling loved and cared about is what gets people through the hard times and it is just another reminder that we are all here to help each other on our journey home.

 

So when someone you love is going through something hard take my advice-

 

 

Carry on my warriors………

 

 

 

xoxo

Kallie

 

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