Just over 5 years ago, I became a mother for the very first time. It was everything and more than I expected. The EVERYTHING was the positive and the MORE was the negative side to motherhood that I had no clue even existed! When I was pregnant with my first daughter, I signed up for a weekly email that basically told me what was going on with my unborn baby each week. Once my baby was born, I began to search the same website that sent me these weekly updates a little more and found it was a community for mothers. I thought it was awesome!

 

I remember reading a thread that started with a valid question about how this specific mother needed advice on a question she had. Wanting answers to the same question, I read the replies and was so SHOCKED to read several of the responses. The responses were posted by various mothers who each parented in entirely different ways and who each felt their way was right and belittled the others who didn’t agree with them.
Seriously? I thought this crap only existed in high school! Since that thread, I’ve had a few direct experiences of my own where someone else has expressed their opinions on my own personal parenting style.

 

Motherhood is SO personal and when someone is really trying to do their best, it really doesn’t matter what others think. My purpose with this post is not to talk parenting styles and argue what is right parenting and what is wrong. Instead, I am going to dig deep and get really personal and share how I’ve gained the confidence I’ve needed in myself as a mother and how I came to be able to tune out the background noise. (other‘s opinions)

 

Lets start from the beginning. When my first baby girl was just 8 months old, I found out I was pregnant again. I was even on birth control! I had the HARDEST time coping with the news. How was I going to care for 2 babies??? Did I mention that my husband travels for work and is gone 4 days every week? I know that many women have had closer babies, BUT they are all super women and I am just an ordinary woman! Anyway, I ended up miscarrying at 11 weeks. I don’t know if I can express the feelings that went through my soul with that miscarriage to where they’ll make any sense. Basically, I felt like I was being punished because instead of being grateful for the experience to have another child while so many other women will never get the experience to have even just one, I was worrying about frivolous things.

 

Time passed and I overcame that hurdle. Two years after my first baby girl was born, I had my 2nd baby girl! I had completed a pregnancy that was on my own terms. Two little girls–I felt so incredibly blessed! Once my 2nd baby girl turned 4 months old, I found out I was pregnant AGAIN! What??? I had even switched to the Nuva Ring since the pill OBVIOUSLY didn’t work for me. I was overwhelmed to say the least. BUT I came to terms with it and just embraced the thought that this was going to be my biggest trial in life– having a gaggle of babies all at once. Boy was I in for a surprise!

 

It has been two years since I had my 3rd baby girl. It was CRAZY! I think our minds have a way of coping with tough situations and mine went into survival mode. When my husband would leave for work for a few days, I remember thinking, “just make it to bed time….. just make it to bed time…“ Baby #3 soon turned 2 months old and I know what you’re thinking, “She totally found out she was pregnant again!” No. I wish that was it! What I found was that I had an Adam’s Apple. My MIL, who happens to be a nurse, pointed out the bulge on my neck and I told her I had found it a few days earlier and not to worry because it’s just my Adam’s Apple. She then told me that women don’t have Adam’s Apples. Oh…. So I went in and had it checked.

 

A few specialists, x-rays, ultrasounds, needle pokes, and 3 months later, I found it was a tumor on my thyroid and I needed to have it removed. I had surgery to remove part of my thyroid and tumor. The pathology reports came back after my surgery and indicated that it was Follicular Thyroid Cancer. Awesome! I get to die now and leave all these babies I just recently had. After all, isn’t that was happens when you have cancer??? You die? That same feeling of guilt that came with my miscarriage came rushing back and I felt like I was being punished. I actually started to think that maybe I was a terrible mother like I had been told me and maybe this was God’s way of taking my experience as a mother away from me! It sounds so ridiculous now, but these are the true thoughts I had in my inner core at the time.

 

Time went by and I am elated to inform you that I made it over that hurdle too! I am not writing about these experiences for sympathy, but I do have one last hurdle I need to write about before I get to my point. One year after my cancer treatment was complete, I found out I had a large growth the size of a soft ball in my uterus, and was advised by my doctor that I should have a hysterectomy but that he’d leave the final decision up to me. I began to pray like crazy! After a lot of prayers, I remember getting my answer CLEAR AS DAY.

 

I believe in God. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Had I waited until it was on MY TERMS to have my babies, they all wouldn’t have been able to make it here. So what I thought was a burden, (having 3 babies (4 pregnancies) so close together) was actually the BIGGEST blessing God could have given me!! All that guilt that had been weighing on my shoulders went away. Hearing that someone thinks I am a sorry fit for a mother didn’t matter. What matters is what God thinks of me and I tend to feel he thinks I’m pretty important if he trusted me enough to put the lives of these three beautiful girls in my care!

 

In the end, it doesn’t matter that I didn’t love breast feeding, or if I did not potty train the way someone else thought I should. What matters most is I value life and I value myself and I value motherhood–the way I choose to do it. I truly feel that letting go of what others think has been a huge progress in my life. I am a better wife, mother, and friend because of it. I am so very thankful for the trials that I have been given in my life because I KNOW first hand that life is too short for the trivial drama life occasionally throws at us. I have also learned that having contentious relationships is a decision. I have chosen in my own life to stop engaging in these relationships.

 

The best way I’ve ever heard it explained is we all have a bubble around us. We get to be the one to choose who is allowed inside our bubbles–these are the people we fully trust. These are the people who’s opinions matter. All others are just background noise. Let their opinions come and then let them bounce right off your bubble. You might have to pull away for a while in order to reach that point. I sure did. So go now and clean out your bubbles and MAKE the decision that you’re going to live a high quality of life with high quality of people surrounding you and your bubble!

 

It will change your life. I PROMISE!!!

 

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