On October 4, 2012 we were lucky enough to welcome a new little sweet baby girl, Prentice Kaye Tibbs, into our home. Though her delivery was a little rough, her birthday was one of the best days of my life and full of moments that will always be dear to my heart.
Our oldest daughter had turned three in June, so it had been a while since we had done the baby thing. I am someone who absolutely LOVES babies, but in all honesty, I had totally forgotten how much work they were.
It seemed like with the nursing, changing, and napping with a baby who would only stay asleep being held, there wasn’t time for much else. Our once organized, mellow days turned into chaos. Some days I handled it well, and other days I was so distracted by the mess I was living in it seemed to be all I could see—one big gigantic mess. I was burdened by so much guilt.
Guilt that I had totally turned my oldest daughter’s life upside down and that she was spending a lot of her days putting puzzles together by herself and watching way too much public television.
Guilt that my bathrooms hadn’t been cleaned in weeks, or floors vacuumed or sheets washed.
Guilt that a home cooked meal almost never made it onto the table.
Guilt that adding one more little being into our home was more work than I thought it would be and what I felt it had been for other moms around me.
And then the added guilt for feeling “guilty” in the first place.
Then one night I was up feeding our sweet baby girl. I had grown to cherish our quiet time in the middle of the night together, probably because it was really the only alone time that we had. I was trying to rock her back to sleep in the lamp lit light of the family room, when I decided to sing her a lullaby or two. Now, I’m not one to sing much to my babies because my voice is far from that of an angel, but I remember my mom singing to me and how much I enjoyed it so I decided to try to use my vocal “talents” a bit more this time around. There was a song I used to sing at church as a little girl that came to mind called “My Heavenly Father Loves Me.” So I began to sing as I held my new baby in my arms, “Whenever I hear the song of a bird, or look at the blue, blue sky. Whenever I feel the rain on my face, or the wind as it rushes by. Whenever I touch a velvet rose, or walk by a lilac tree.” As I uttered the last line of the song tears began flowing from my tired eyes and I could hardly get the words out, “I’m glad that I live in this beautiful world, Heavenly Father created for me.”
In that small moment, I was overcome with immense joy as I looked down at this new perfect gift in my arms. I felt so much gratitude for how truly wonderful my little life was, and how assuredly I knew that my Heavenly Father loved me. I didn’t want what I was feeling in that moment to be over, so I snuggled and kissed my dark haired, blue eyed baby girl a little longer before putting her down to sleep and returning to bed myself.
My experience in the middle of a cold winter’s night feeding our newborn daughter helped me remember how much I had to be grateful for and the need I had to make more room for joy in my life and the lives of my family members.
Sometimes, especially as mothers, we get so overwhelmed with the mundane tasks that fill our days and the chaos that often surrounds us. We also have things like the internet, television, and constant noise to distract us on a regular basis. Not to mention all the sadness and tragedy that exists in the world today, and maybe even in our own lives. With all we have going on, it’s often very difficult to feel or maybe even recognize those brief moments of joy in our homes.
So one of my New Years resolutions is to turn the television off a little more often, save Facebook for my alone time, ditch the guilt, give up some control, enjoy my two amazing girls and make more room for joy in my life. I hope you will join me in this journey and I hope you have a wonderful, joy-filled, 2013.
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