Guest Post by: Shannon Lucas
My husband and I chose not to find out the sex of our first child; we wanted to be surprised at the birth, as every member of my extended family had been when welcoming a new baby into the world. Throughout the entire pregnancy I was convinced we were having a boy. I referred to the baby as a “he” and found myself drawn towards baby boy clothes when I was out shopping. I had a planned c-section due to certain health issues and in the operating room, right before the doctors began the surgery, they had my husband and I state what we thought we were having for the last time. We simultaneously answered “Boy!” A few minutes later, our beautiful little girl, Ellie, was born. To say I was surprised was an understatement. While I immediately became excited at the idea of tutus and the color pink, I was nervous at the prospect of raising a girl. Scratch that, I was downright terrified.
I work with adolescents every day and have the unique opportunity to witness the struggles, both superficial and significant, that our girls today are faced with. Body image, sexuality, bullying, self-esteem-while these have always been issues young girls have dealt with it seems that there is even more emphasis being put on our daughters to “be perfect.” When my daughter was a couple months old, I began reading and searching for articles and books about raising a confident, happy girl. My husband thought I was overreacting; I felt we could never be too prepared when it came to this topic. Although these reading materials offered good advice, I realized that they couldn’t replace the power of a mother leading by example.
Thinking about my own life, I came to the realization that I am stronger and braver than I sometimes give myself credit for. As a teenager I went to battle against the dreaded ED (Eating Disorder) and won. It took many years and a lot of therapy to get through those issues, but I didn’t give up. Body image is something I have a hard time with every single day, and I would be lying if I said that I feel great about the way I look all the time. However, I know that the best way I can help my daughter set the foundation for good self-esteem and a positive feeling of self-worth is to model a healthy lifestyle. I want Ellie to grow up being comfortable in her own skin and knowing that she is beautiful, inside and out. While I am proud of myself for how far I have come regarding my body image, I can only hope that Ellie will be braver than me in this department.
After Ellie was born, I experienced a pretty significant case of post-partum depression. Luckily I recognized the signs early on and was able to get the help I needed fairly quickly. I was so embarrassed of my diagnosis that I didn’t want anyone to know other than my immediate family. Despite this, I knew I that seeking professional help and taking medication was the best thing I could do for my daughter. She deserved to have a healthy, happy mother who was emotionally available. It took a lot of courage and a lot of faith to wake up every day and care for an infant when I felt like I was not a good enough mother. Thankfully that dark period is over and I am now able to fully and happily embrace being Ellie’s mommy.
Presently I am less than one month away from having my third spinal fusion surgery. As expected, I am a flood of emotions. I am nervous about everything going well, sad about having to leave my daughter while I am in the hospital, and angry that I have to undergo such a procedure again. But I want to teach my daughter that life is not what happens to you, but rather how you handle what comes your way. That is why I plan on facing this surgery head-on, the way I have dealt with those other obstacles in my life. I want Ellie to see her mother drawing strength and bravery from the faith of knowing that everything will work out the way it is supposed to.
Watching my little girl’s personality develop and evolve over the last sixteen months has been one of the most exciting things I have ever experienced. Ellie is stubborn, headstrong, and scary smart. She is always in constant motion, like a little tornado, exploring and taking in the world around her with such great enthusiasm. While she can appear to be shy in front of strangers, there is also a silly side to my girl, who loves to give kisses and hold my hand. Although I know there will come a day when Ellie no longer wants to hold my hand, I hope that I have set a good example for her on how to be a brave, confident woman. And knowing my little girl, she is going to be one of the bravest people I know.
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