I saw this quote the other day on a post my cousin Gina wrote on her blog Birth Mother Baskets. For some reason it spoke not quietly to my heart, but shouted to the deepest part of it. I’d like to share why those words had a power over me and awakened my weary heart. In this moment I am trusting you with my sacred and I am hoping you will treat it as such.
I battle depression. In my experience with talking about depression I have seen a few different view points. Some say that depression is all in your head, it is not real. These thought thinkers seem to think you just need to put your big girl panties on, slap a smile on your face and that depression monster will no longer be. Others say it is just someone being selfish, and choosing to focus only on the negative. I would say both of those statements have truth to them but they are far from truthful. I don’t choose to be depression. I don’t find darkness and hopelessness a place I like to spend my time. I don’t like pulling away in my relationships because my head is in a negative space, and I don’t want someone to see me this way, or place judgement on me. My depression doesn’t feel selfish in my head, because I feel like I am running a marathon trying to protect everyone I love from what is in my head, and who I am and it is exhausting. I understand that to others it comes off as self-focused but the thought process in my head feels far from only thinking of myself. I don’t like that depression is a very real part of my life. In fact, I hate that it is has any power over me.
The winter months are always the hardest. Somedays the haze over my eyes is nothing but blackness and I find myself stumbling around my life, feeling for the pieces of happiness I know are all around me, but I cannot see nor feel them. I find myself looking for the tools I have learned to help clear the fogginess and really SEE life as the beautiful, light filled gift that it is, because I KNOW THAT IT IS!
I don’t define myself as depressed. I don’t introduce myself to others as “Hi, I am depression.” I am Kallie and yes, depression is apart of my life but it is far from who I am. And just like my struggles don’t define me, YOUR struggles DO NOT DEFINE YOU. You may have heard me refer to my depression as my sacred, and I say that because, I have to treat it reverently. I have to treat it as important because if I don’t keep it in check it can rule my life. I have to treat it with respect because it is a very real and raw part of me. As hard as it is to admit, I have to respect it is one of my imperfections but know that it does not have my permission to define who I am, even though it is a part of my human experience.
You might not struggle with depression and you might feel like this post doesn’t relate to you BUT it does and here is why. The more I experience this life, the more I have come to see we all have OUR SACRED- the things that reside in the deepest parts of our hearts, and require ourselves and others to treat them gently and with respect. The sacred things that show our humanness in a very brutal, yet beautiful way. Each of us are far from perfect, and in that imperfectness is a part of us we are scared to let be seen- this thing you don’t want to be seen is your sacred. It is the most authentic part of you and with that authenticity comes the need to treat it with reverence, and importance, and tread on that ground gently, as it is the most fragile part of us. Because it is so fragile exposing it can result in pain, or it can result in something unexpected and beautiful- something healing. I know this happens because I have seen it happen in my own life, when I finally felt brave enough to let my sacred be seen here on Smitten.
I’ve thought a lot about the healing I found in sharing my sacred and I find myself imagining what the world would be like if we started treating each others struggles as sacred. Never labeling who’s struggles are the worst, or who’s wounds go the deepest, just choosing to treat each others hardships and short comings with respect, and importance, while we tread gently on each others holy ground. Would our burdens feel lighter to carry? Would it allow us to love more and judge less? Would we treat each other with more kindness? Would it bring us to a common place, a place where we all stand together? Would letting our whole self be seen allow for us to be happier? In my head the answer is YES to all of these questions.
In our humanness we will find the pull to look at others and judge them. To see something we think they could be doing better, or something they shouldn’t be doing at all. We can claim our hard is the hardest and have little compassion for others. We can stomp on someone’s holy ground, and use their sacred to tear them down. We can use their sacred as a place of justification for our actions, but I ask, that in these moments of judgement you remember your sacred- think about what it would do to you, if someone were to treat your sacred with judgement, harsh words and little compassion? How would your heart feel being totally misunderstood? Instead of focusing on other’s faults or short comings, choose to focus on your common ground. Focus on the place you stand together. Choose to see past the differences of your sacred and only focus on the sacred you both hold. Sacred is sacred no matter how it looks.
We are not here to be warriors against each other. We are not warriors who seek to destroy each other. We are warriors who don’t leave anyone behind. We are the warriors who fight when the odds are stacked against us. We are the warriors who never give up on ourselves and others. We are the warriors who refuse to sink into the darkness and YOU ARE THE WARRIOR WHO REFUSE TO SINK into…. (fill in the blank with your sacred here). We are the strong, brave warriors. We are the warriors who know when to roar the mighty roar, and yet, we are the warriors who know when it’s time to take off our shoes and tread reverently, with respect on someone else’s holy ground.
REMEMBER -We ALL have our sacred. Choose to tread gently and with respect on each others holy ground. It’s a sink or swim world out there REFUSE TO SINK into whatever this messy life throws at you.
xoxo
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